R.E.A.L. Communication Workshop
Whenever you’re not getting the results you want, it’s likely an important conversation either hasn’t happened or hasn’t been handled well. In fact, success is largely determined by how quickly, directly, and effectively we speak up when it matters most. Real Communication is an experiential training program developed to help business leaders, educators, families and others learn the skills, habits and thought processes that lead to effective interpersonal communication. This program is particularly effective in helping people communicate productively in high stress situations.
Why does communication fail so often when it matters most?
Humans communicate all the time but the higher the stakes, the less likely you will handle a conversation effectively. This could be because you’re used to communicating in everyday low-stakes exchanges so you have become less attentive and more automatic with your responses.
In high-stakes conversations you must be mindful of everything involved in the communication, such as, thoughts, emotions, words, voices, facial expressions and behaviors. As you are not used to paying such close attention your communication may fail.
Also, in these situations the stress response is likely to be triggered and the effects of this can hinder your communication e.g. your voices and facial expressions become harder to control, it’s more difficult to structure thoughts, your breathing rate increases etc.
Poorly handling difficult conversations — discussions with high stakes, different opinions, and strong emotions — is the cause of many of our most painful problems in work and home life. These stressful conversations can rapidly go awry, with people behaving at their worst – yelling at each other and sniping sarcastically, or on the other side going silent and withdrawing. When this happens, little progress is made, and resentment builds. Moreover, we often deliberately avoid having these conversations because we’re afraid we’ll make matters worse.
We often try to avoid having these conversations because we’re afraid we’ll make matters worse. And in fact, when we do have crucial conversations, we usually handle them badly. We behave our worst at the most critical moments. We may withdraw, or rage and say things we later regret.
We typically fail at these conversations because:
- Nature works against us. When under stress, we get an adrenaline surge and blood is diverted from the brain to muscles so that our thinking ability suffers.
- We get caught off guard. Difficult conversations often catch us by surprise — we have a knee-jerk reaction and later end up wondering, what was I thinking?
- We lack the right skills. We don’t know where to start in terms of responding to or initiating a crucial conversation, so we just plunge in.
Our reaction is self-defeating. We act in ways that keep us from getting what we want. We’re our own worst enemies. For example, when one partner is neglecting the other, the aggrieved partner may respond with sarcasm and sniping — which causes the offending party to spend even less time with him or her.
But this doesn’t have to happen. People can learn the skills to handle these conversations effectively. And when they do, their career, health, personal relationships, and their organization or company benefit tremendously.
